I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
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so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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