if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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