She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
