Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
