Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
