dude i'm inner monologue high
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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