Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
sex in a hospital.. check
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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