Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
