Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
