Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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