Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
