i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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