Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I supernannyed him into submission
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
