Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
