She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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