I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All the doctor said was why
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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