If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize