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Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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