hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
