Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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