Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
