If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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