i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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