the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Semen is not good for contacts.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
