I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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