so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
