Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
