Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
