I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
