Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Everclear isn't food dammit
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
