Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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