hotel room ftw
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
