i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
