and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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