I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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