woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
