Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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