you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
