I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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