Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
