his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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