your thong is hanging out like whoa
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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