why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
