i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
