if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
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Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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