Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
