Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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