i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
