so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
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What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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