Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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