We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
