I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
