I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
