How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
