he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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