Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
