Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I will pee on everything he values.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
my liver is dry heaving
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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