From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
