If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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