Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
