Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
