Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
