I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
