ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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