Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
