i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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