the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
