hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
