its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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