i think my mom watched the whole time
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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