i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
