Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
