I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
