..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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