its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
