Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
