The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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