I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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