I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
