Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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